Vancouver British Columbia to Regina Saskatchewan

The journey collides with the Journey . . .

When my journey began this past summer, I found great comfort in Psalm 23 and envisioned my soul being restored as I was led beside still waters. From my perspective at this point in the journey, I would say instead that my soul is undergoing a metamorphic transformation and I have noticed that most of the water around me is mighty and turbulent. The other day, I came to realize that I am actually experiencing two journeys–one is the physical journey and the other is the Journey of my Soul. On Thanksgiving, October 14, my journey collided with my Journey! Since then, a lot has happened.

Carol Pearson, in her book The Hero’s Journey, describes the Journey in three stages–the preparation, the journey (which has to do with Soul development) and the return. Each stage is accompanied and assisted by 4 archetypes that guide the one on the journey and bring about certain transformations. I find that word, archetype, very difficult to describe but for me, it basically points to patterns of energy that surround and reflect our experiences. In the second stage of the journey, the first archetype to emerge is the Seeker and I believe it was this Seeker energy that brought me the restlessness I was feeling last winter. The Seeker was also present for me in the Spring when I conceived of this idea to leave my work and embark on a journey for a year. In Carol Pearson’s system, the Seeker is followed by the Destroyer archetype and that is the energy I am experiencing at this time.

In retrospect, the energy of the Destroyer came quickly on the heels of the Seeker. Soon after I made the decision to undertake my Journey, I sold my house and most of my possessions, and left my job. Sometime during this fall, the Destroyer energy overshadowed my relationship with my son who is very angry with me and is not speaking with me at this time. As a mother, I feel a great deal of pain as a result of this. I am convinced, however, that I must resist the temptation to attempt to “fix” the problems and instead, I must allow healing to happen in its own time. As a dear friend said to me recently, children have a right to be angry. That wisdom has helped me decide how to approach the situation but it doesn’t alleviate the pain I feel. Then, on October 14, I realized, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my marriage is over. In truth, it has been over for many years but on Thanksgiving Day I came to understand that I could no longer live the lie. At present, I am in Regina in order to begin the proceedings for divorce. Ron and I have discussed this and have agreed that this is the best course of action. I hope and pray that we can remain friends even though our paths will now be going in separate directions. On October 29, my dog, Buster, became very ill and since that time, he has had some good days and many not so good days. While In Regina, we will visit his vet but I fear his final days are upon us. And finally, my favourite sweater became a casualty of the journey, suffering a gaping tear as the result of an encounter with a ragged door jamb. My house, my possessions, my job, my son, my marriage, my dog, even my favourite sweater . . . I feel as though I am gradually being stripped of everything that once had great meaning and importance for me. The feelings of grief are almost overwhelming.

In the midst of the painful and difficult emotions I was experiencing in Vancouver, I felt strongly called to visit the Stein Valley. As a matter of fact, I would use stronger language than called–I felt driven to visit the Stein Valley. I think my feelings echo what the gospel writer Mark was trying to convey when he described Jesus being driven into the wilderness by the Spirit. The Stein Valley has long been considered sacred and for many centuries it has been a place where shamans have trained. As well, it has been the location of countless vision quests. Consequently, there are many pictographs on the rocks. Near the beginning of the trail, there is a huge rock, which has been named The Asking Rock. This rock is covered with pictographs and many other travellers have left offerings of tobacco or prayer sticks. The moment I reached the rock, I was overcome with sadness and in the protective shelter of these age old rocks I was able to begin letting go of the grief. Then, I formed my questions, asking simply for clarity, direction, and protection. I left an offering of tobacco and as I turned to continue on the path, felt a sense of peace and calm.

Within minutes of leaving the Asking Rock, it became clear that I am in the midst of a natural transformation similar to the metamorphosis that creates the butterfly. This transformation is following the cycle of the seasons and is reflected in the natural world that forms my outer reality. At present, I am in the autumn when the leaves fall away in preparation for winter. Buckskin, my little van home, is like a cocoon. With the approaching winter, the world around me is becoming colder and as the cocoon enfolds me, I find myself in a dark and lonely place.

Several minutes later, it came clear to me that I needed to begin the proceedings for divorce as soon as possible. I need to be able to let go of that relationship completely in order to make my transformation.

Early in my journey along the Stein Valley path, I heard the call of Raven. From that point until I left the valley 6 hours later, Raven accompanied me, watching over me and offering simple companionship. I have learned that Raven is a powerful totem bird, bringing protection and initiation. In the Stein Valley, and perhaps even before this time, I began initiation as a shaman. In this holy and sacred place, I sensed a calling to serve Great Mother Earth and to help her heal from the damage that has been inflicted by humankind. As I walked, I picked up the garbage left behind by other hikers. I also took the time to build tiny medicine wheels using stones and other natural materials such as feathers and leaves.

As I walked, I came to sense that my transformation will be complete some time near the vernal equinox when a whole new person will emerge. I find it interesting to ponder the fact that my 50th birthday is on Good Friday. It will undoubtedly be a significant time for me.

As the afternoon passed and the light began to fade, I returned to the head of the trail and knew for certain that I would be returning often to this holy place. Many of the aboriginal people in the area speak of the Stein Valley as a university. I left knowing I had learned much and feeling as though I will return often to continue my training. I made another tobacco offering and lifted up a prayer of thanksgiving for the gifts I had received.

That visit to the Stein Valley left me feeling calm and peaceful and although I don’t have a clear idea of what comes next, my trust in the process that is unfolding was strengthened. The following day, I had the opportunity to join several local native people in a sacred sweat lodge on the Siska reserve. Again, it was a gift of clarification and affirmation. At the end of the ceremony, the elder told me that the circle in which I was travelling Stein Valley Weeping Treewould not be completed until I returned to the place where I began. These were profound words and as soon as he said them, I knew I would be returning to Regina. I have come here to complete the circle, to file for divorce, and to consult with Buster’s vet. Unfortunately, I am not able to visit or contact my many friends in the city and I ask your understanding at this time. I also ask for your continued prayers as I continue this fascinating Journey.

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;

in cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!

In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,

unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see. (Natalie Sleeth)

By the way, in case you were wondering, the archetype that follows the Destroyer is the Lover and this is followed by the Creator. I am intrigued.